ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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