i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
