I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
