Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
