This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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