Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
