Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
