got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
