epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
