This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
