"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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