Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize