its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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