Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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