why didn't you poke me back
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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