This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
