I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
