god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
