Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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