I got chris browned last night
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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