So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
