If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
