Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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