He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My bed smells like the plague
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
