you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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