chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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