Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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