Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
