Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
