I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
