I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
worst night to have a conscience
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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