can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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