What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
