I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
