You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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