Already got asked if we're dating
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
