Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
