She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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