who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
