actually, I'm a sock model
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
