There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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