Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
