i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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