There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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