Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
