Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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