i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Success! We fucked roommates!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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