took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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