True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
