Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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