so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
