You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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