I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
