surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
