im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize