I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
