My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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