Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He better not be in your backpack
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
