I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
