I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up under a house in Key West
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