I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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